Is this what they always meant by “happy weight”?

Happy Sunday evening! I am currently typing this while being serenaded by my dad singing karaoke in the living room, and I would not have it any other way.

Today we are gonna take it back to a topic on which I have not focused in a while, the one that pretty much started this blog 8(!) years ago. The topic is weight and body image.

I’ve gained maybe 10 lbs more or less since moving back home to NY, which I suppose is a combination of less walking, more lifting, honestly more stress eating at times, and definitely some stress from work.

I have not stepped on a scale in 2021 I don’t think, and I am not very interested in doing so, because it’s not going to be helpful for me to live a healthier lifestyle. But I know I’ve gained weight due to the fact that I am not getting more than 5-6 pullups despite consistently practicing them. I’m getting stronger but I’m also just getting heavier. Measuring progress through my fitness has been helpful, because I am interested in my performance and how I feel.

True, there are many times I eat dessert many days in a row and really don’t feel too hot. But a mark of my health to me at this time is how I am able to…

  • note the results of a decision that I made (e.g., feeling bloated and ready to nap vs. being energized to fulfill my responsibilities / workout)
  • recognize why I made that decision (e.g., because it was a social celebration? because I was just stressed? because I felt like I needed to help finish food?)
  • make the same or a different decision again when faced with a similar situation

It has taken many years (almost a decade) to be able to look at my eating habits objectively and subjectively with a mindset of both healthy critique AND grace given to oneself. I believe this has to do with the fact that I am at a weight that allows me to have energy for all the things I need/want to do (i.e., lift kettlebells well, do burpees smoothly and quickly, be on my feet all day at work) and also allows my body to go comfortably between mealtimes without thinking about food too much. Feels like what people would call a “happy weight,” which might be stated as “set point” in literature that I won’t go into here.

That being said, I do recognize that discipline around food ought to be practiced when accompanied by virtuous reasons (e.g., allowing oneself to feel uncomfortable in this one facet of life, honoring hunger cues, making eating choices for a long life). And I do think that if I were a little lighter, I could do more pull-ups and run faster, and the only person who can help myself with that is me at the end of the day.

However, though this dynamic between enjoyment and discipline, grace and healthy critique, in my fitness and food journey, still mildly pushes and pulls into less virtuous areas of thought (i.e., just wanting to look better and maybe see my abs a bit more), overall I am grateful to say that it has been freeing.

I think it has been the fruit of a lot of honest conversations with myself and with God. And for you, it might be conversations with yourself, a trusted one, and a healthcare professional. That’s where I was too. It’s been a constant confrontation of things I don’t like about myself, my situation, what I have to do, what I don’t want to do… Digging into those parts, with help, and rooting out brokenness in seemingly unrelated areas of my life that were certainly affecting my relationship with food and fitness.

I know some, maybe even many, people who are reading this are not in a good headspace right now, and it might not help for me to say, “Things will get better. Keep your head up,” but in case it does, just know that there is a way out. Better yet, there is Someone who wants to meet you exactly where you are, first and foremost, and then bring you out of there.

Here to chat if you need. Thank you for reading and supporting me. ♥︎

Wisdom from a quarter of a century

May all the souls of the faithful departed, through the Mercy of God, rest in peace. In memorial today of all those who gave their lives for the freedom we have in this country.

Quarter of a century! Which means I’m closer to being 30 years old than I am to being a wee high school grad. Before all you 30+ year olds start coming after me, I am not suggesting that there is anything wrong with this! We all go to die one day ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

a recent photo of my unmasked face, in case you were wondering

I have not done one of these “things I’ve learned” posts in a while, so to celebrate turning a ripe but fresh 25 years old today, here are 25 things, both serious and jovial, that I have learned in my 25 years of life:

  1. Vulnerability is extremely powerful, for better or for worse.
  2. It is very possible to be great friends with people who vehemently disagree with you on important topics.
  3. If you squish a grain of white rice between your fingers enough, it feels like you’re making a mini mochi cake.
  4. Your brain really is still developing a LOT in your early twenties so chill o u t and remember that you still have a long way to go.
  5. The music you listen to on a daily basis really does shape your daily disposition, for better or worse.
  6. In the words of Olaf the snowman, “I like warm hugs!”
  7. No human person is immune to any certain emotion, sin, circumstance, or bad habit except by the grace of God.
  8. The voice message feature on iPhone is very useful for when you have a bunch of things to explain that are too much for just texting but you don’t want to alarm the person by *gasp* CALLING during the daytime.
  9. Aligned with popular practice but contrary to what I used to prefer, a hot cup of tea in the silence of the morning is quite peaceful and is now one of my favorite things.
  10. I have an issue with procrastinating going to sleep on time because I am not ready to start the next day, which really starts when you go to sleep the night before.
  11. Motor learning principles help with SO MUCH in the realm of movement, strengthening, skill learning, rehabilitation, and honestly just life. Specificity, intensity, frequency, feedback, external focus… all of it.
  12. It is possible to become significantly stronger and to improve functional motor patterns using one kettlebell for a whole year.
  13. The weather really is a hot topic, no pun intended.
  14. Communication is one of those things that is mighty scary until you do it enough that it isn’t… but then you have to remember that it’s still scary for some people.
  15. Dancing is one of the best gifts I have received; it brings me so much joy.
  16. Taylor Swift, by many objective measures, has very well-done music, but I still don’t love her music.
  17. No matter what age a person is, there still always exists a sense of “what in the world is going on?” regarding SOMETHING.
  18. Talk to someone in person before you assume literally anything about what they are trying to say on social media. And really speak to them with clarity and respect, because it’s easy to keep assuming what they are saying even after the conversation starts.
  19. It is possible and rather helpful to ask God for the grace to be humble enough to ask for His help.
  20. That “real quick” thing will always take longer than I think it will.
  21. By the same token, it is really impressive what you can get done in an 8-hour period of time when you’re really under pressure.
  22. Say the motivational quote or cliché that you think everyone’s already heard before, because there is chance that the person who needs to hear it may not have heard it before or may have just never applied it to their life sincerely.
  23. Simple does not mean easy.
  24. Keeping a clean beach towel in the car is helpful for at least 5 different types of emergencies, not to mention a helpful backrest for ergonomics.
  25. God is faithful, He is enough, and He the answer to everything. I honestly could not fight those statements even if I wanted to.

That list was hard to think of, but fun and good to make! Hope you learned a thing or two, no matter what age you are. Would love to learn from you as well! Drop a piece of wisdom you’ve learned in your years thus far 🙂

Have a wonderful week, friends. Thanks for being here. ♥︎

Growth this year so far…

Now that we are almost halfway through 2021, I figure it’s a good time to check in again.

On the for real though, I thought about coming back to blog at least ten times in the past three months, but it was one of those things that felt too far gone to just pick up again because thinking about how much I could say was too overwhelming. It still is, but what can ya do?

My last post was published just before Lent. Those 40+ days were lonely at times as I gave up videos, music, and podcasts (except for the daily “Bible in a Year” podcast, because I didn’t want to be 40 days behind on that). I found myself really being averse to silence, trying to fill it with other things like calling friends, playing Words with Friends, or just scrolling on social media instead. But I really tried to embrace that silence and talk to God more about everything, and it was a very rich time. Giving Jesus a chance is the best decision you will make, day in and day out, no doubt.

I feel like I’m finally getting into the swing of things with work now as well. My colleagues do feel like a family, and I believe I am growing in confidence and competence overall, which help foster a positive feedback cycle. So many people are teaching me nuggets of wisdom, whether they know it or not. I am definitely still asking questions and trying to figure out what the heck I’m doing sometimes, but I am grateful to be serving others in this profession of physical therapy.

I’ve had the privilege of visiting some of my friends’ babies in Boston a couple times since February. You read that right. I have (several) college friends with babies now. I don’t think there was a time for me to process that this the new norm, so it just is. I am somewhat stunned still, because I still feel like I’m the 14-year-old baby sitter coming over for the evening when I show up to their houses. But I am also incredibly joyful that this time has come. Cool auntie Alison is HEREEEEE.

Kettlebellarmine (aka my 35lb KB that I named last year when I got it during the lockdown) now has a 97lb/44kg friend that I have named Goliath. Swinging kettlebells has continued to be an excellent way for me to grow in strength, motor control, and patience above all.

Occasionally, I’ll bust out some dance moves and grooves, like this one time I choreographed a little bit to “Name” by Justin Bieber and my fave girl Tori Kelly (in many ways, I’m the same 2015 Alison).

Felt good to dance again 🙂

I am thankful to have had more opportunities to see family and friends as people become vaccinated and feel more comfortable going out into the world within < 6 feet of each other. Hugging people is just the best. I never thought I was a physical touch kinda gal until last year. *slaps your shoulder as I laugh*

The biggest area of growth has been in my desire for God, to just be with Him. Something a friend recently told me was that my desire for Him is only ever a response to His first desire for me. By no means does this mean that if you do not desire God, He must not desire you. Rather, it is one’s prerogative to choose to just listen for His call — His desire for you — in the first place. If you even at this moment have the desire to know what He’s all about, that’s Him inviting you. He is the most unimposing host.

Happy May! Holy taquitos, it might as well be the Year 3000 (@jonasbrothers); time is flying so quickly. Here’s to more blogging this season! *clinks a glass* that’s probably filled with nothing but water

So tell me:

How have you grown this year so far?

What are some highlights of the spring time for you (if you’re reading from the Northern Hemisphere)? Or the fall for you (Southern Hemisphere friends)?

Love and Lent

And I guess it’s President’s Day in the United States so….Love, Lent, and…Lyndon B. Johnson?

a wagyu beef burger I had a couple weekends ago 😀

Love

I am typing this at the very end of Valentine’s Day — such a GOOD day! I love seeing people celebrate their relationships. One of my friends (hi, Kelsey!) got married yesterday too. Many of my friends are also in flourishing dating relationships, and I am HERE FOR IT.

If you are single, dealing with heart break, or have lost your significant other, you might be like, “k bye.” But wait! Truly, you have a Pursuer, who delights in you greatly and wants to give you e v e r y t h i n g. I cannot overstate how important and freeing this is: God Loves you and wants everything that is true, good, and beautiful for you. *clenches fists and throws head back at how much I want you to know this*

But talk to Him about it, because I can only tell you so much about the One who actually loves you infinitely.

This year I have spent much more time alone with God, and I am so incredibly far from perfect in loving Him, but He has been the sweetest in every way He sustains me at work, allows me to see stars faintly at the end of a late work shift, allows me to see a stunning sunset when I get off work early enough, strengthens me through trials, and supports me through my loved ones from afar.

Seven(!) years ago I wrote this “Letter to My Future Husband,” and I also put a “p.s.” in there saying if my future husband doesn’t exist, then I’ll be a single person for Christ, and to be quite honest, the latter is not looking like a bad option, ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Lent

Not gonna lie, I am nervous for Lent this year! I am giving up all music, Youtube videos (my preferred streaming service), and podcasts EXCEPT for Fr. Mike’s Bible in a Year Podcast, so that I can keep up with listening to the Bible from start to finish. But I usually listen to that first thing in the morning. The hardest part about this fast will be coming home from a long, stressful day of work (happens often) and being in silence.

I have prayed for weeks about this and knew a while ago that this was the move for Lent this year. I think it will help a lot with my sleep discipline, and it will also allow me to give more of my heart and my time to God, especially when I’m the most irritated/stressed/tired.

But dang, this will be so hard, good grief. There is nothing seems to be nothing like dancing to music and listening to other people talk about their lives on Youtube when I’m all wound up from work. I know there is something even better, but I’m sure it will take some grace to find out.

Moves and grooves

I’ve been posting a workout on Instagram stories every Sunday now, which I think is a good amount of Instagram for me at this time.

In other news, I’ve gotten up to 7 strict pull-ups on a really good day! I’ve gained a bit of weight so I’m generally pulling more weight than I did when I first moved to NY, but my back is getting stronger!

Hope you have a wonderful week, friends. You are loved!

So tell me:

How was this Valentine’s Day for you? Joys or sorrows?

If you observe Lent, what are you fasting from this year (if you care to share)?

What did you do this weekend?

WEEKEND IN THE LIFE VLOG {winter 2021}

Happy snow day if you’re out here in the northeast!!

I made a vlog this weekend, so I’ll let it do the talking. We’re talking addictive candle scents, mac and cheese, burpees, and COVID vaccine.

Click here if the embedded video isn’t working.

Enjoy! Would love to hear your thoughts 🙂