Calling out the negative coping mechanisms for my stress without judgement.

pray.

…I would say that I should probably do more of this. Or at least do more silent, intentional prayer. I am definitely praying all throughout the day for my patients and for continual strength from God to do what I need to do, but to be with the Beloved in a quiet space is a rare occasion these days, and I know that it is in my control to change that.

What I think I really need to clean up is my night routine. The hardest thing these days is coming home exhausted and wanting to “turn my brain off,” so I turn to social media or talking to friends or watching an assortment of Youtube videos (other people eating or working out or talking about God usually). I KNOW THIS IS NOT THE ANSWER. But I’ve been doing it anyway in an attempt to fill myself.

Guess what. It’s not working super well.

My face is broken out in acne; my cortisol levels shoot me up at around 7am even if I want to sleep in; my workouts feel really difficult; I sometimes find myself stress eating. None of this is first-time experience, and I know that the sources are a) stress from work; b) lack of quality time with God. One of these can be changed, for sure, if I really want it. And I do.

I am grateful that, at this point in my life, I can call out these negative coping mechanisms of mine without being hard on myself. I am also grateful for these seasons of stress and adjustment that remind me of my weakness and the need to rely on God c o m p l e t e l y.

Something that helps me with bouncing back from negative coping mechanisms is to “just say yes to the next good thing.” Whether that’s putting down the phone at 9:00pm, taking out the trash the night before instead of almost forgetting in the morning, turning off the TV Youtube while I’m eating dinner, etc. Say yes to ONE next good thing. Just one.

eat.

The best thing I ate last week was chicken saag with garlic naan and basmati rice from a local Indian restaurant. My brother picked it up for us + his girlfriend on Thursday night, and we had a lovely socially distanced dinner in the backyard. It made for two delicious meals, which is the best ūüôā

move.

I’ve still been loving the outdoor KB workouts on Sundays hosted by @kettlebellgains_apparel. I didn’t go this weekend because I needed a bit of rest (aka napped too long and was a sort of too late lol) and wanted to catch up with family over video chat, but most Sundays I try to make it down there for awesome community and HEAVY kettlebell work!

Otherwise, my workouts have been mostly strength/mobility-based and pretty low key. I’ve been telling my patients, “I work out so I can do this [physical therapy]!” And I mean it.

groove.

On Friday night, I got home late so I ran up and down the stairs blasting uplifting praise and worship to sing, dance, and work up a sweat ¬Į\_(„ÉĄ)_/¬Į whatever works.

On Saturday, I met up with my apartment-mate from last year, Yuka! She loooooves NYC, so I gave her a little tour of some of my favorite spots, some new-to-me spots, and some of her requested spots. It was a day of 29K+ steps, lots of carbs, and good friend time! Masked and outdoors only, of course.

It was fun writing a good old blog post again. This always helps to ground me. Thank you, as always, for reading along on this 7+ year journey.

So tell me:

Do you find yourself using “negative” coping mechanisms at times? How do you try to bring yourself out of those?

What are some things that ground you during stressful/challenging times?

Do you like Indian food? Fave dish? What is the best thing you did this weekend?

Big Kids in the Big City

I just finished one of the best smoothie bowls I’ve ever made!

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How I made it: Last night I mixed together 1/3 c. milk, 1/4 c. Greek yogurt, 1/4 c. [dry] quick cooking steel cut oats, 1 tbsp. chia seeds in a bowl. I also sliced and froze a whole ripe banana and half a mango. This morning I added to a blender another 1/2 c. milk, the oat mixture, a lot of mixed greens, a pinch of salt, a drizzle of honey, and the frozen fruit. Then I blended ’til the cows came home (probably also ’til I woke up Madre, sorry :/ ).

This was the thickest and coldest smoothie ever, thanks to the overnight chia mixture + the frozen fruit. Topped with sunflower seeds, Honey Bunches of Oats, and sweetened shredded coconut.

All I need is a tropical beach.

Other fun eats from this week at home:

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quick cook steel cut oats (that 1/4 c. serving size is diddly squat) with butter-caramelized banana slices + Greek yogurt with the rest of the caramelized banana, chia seeds, cheerios, and sunflower seeds

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half of one of my lunches: salmon and hummus on top of the last of the spinach in the container (fewer dishes FTW)

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crockpot split soup – one of my all time faves

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overnight oats (made with the quick cook steel cut oats again, because that’s all we have at home), topped with sunflower seeds + Honey Bunches of Oats

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leftover split pea soup + salad with homemade honey dijon vinaigrette

I’ve also been eating copious amounts of Boom Chicka Pop’s kettle corn, because once you start you can’t stop.

On Wednesday¬†I had the privilege of hanging out with some of my beautiful friends¬†from Boston University in NYC!¬†Casey, Connor, Louis, Adrienne, and Fiona ‚ô•Ôłé

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We met up in Times Square and walked almost 4 miles down to The World Trade Center from there. We lucked out with some gorgeous weather!

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I also lucked out when this famous bagel place was on the way.

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It’s called Best Bagel and Coffee, which is the most gimmicky name ever, but over 1,000 people on Yelp¬†loved it, so I went. In Yelp I trust.

I went for bacon, egg, and cheese on a whole wheat everything bagel.

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Indeed, this was whole and everything.

Confession: This was my first NY bagel in my entire life. Like, I’ve eaten bagels in the state of New York, but I’ve never had a¬†quality¬†NY bagel until this day. I’ve only lived here for 12 years. I’m a slow person in many regards.

My bagel sandwich was absolutely delicious and great walking fuel while the rest of my friends built up a “hangry” appetite for lunch by the time we arrived at the World Trade Center. It’s so interesting being the only nourished one in the group. You just watch everyone else get angry and/or delirious.

After they were all fed at a gastropub called Suspenders, we walked around to the 9/11 Memorial.

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Connor is from Maine, so the big city was a bit too overwhelming for him.

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sees grass. lays down.

And since I’m queen of navigation when it comes to food places, I brought my pals to Rice to Riches (the most vulgar but amazing rice pudding place you will ever enter)…

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…and then Eileen’s Special Cheesecake (it was featured on Food Network, so you know it’s legit).

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Holla for International Women’s Day!

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A¬†delightful amount of food, a crap ton of walking, and countless laughs with¬†some of my favorite people¬†(I kind of hate myself for the cheesiness of that last one…but it’s true).

When I got home, my body wasn’t sore and had¬†a lot of energy for the first time this whole week, so I did a quick 16 minute workout in the basement (30 seconds work/10 seconds rest/4 rounds):

Yesterday started with that smoothie up there + a manicure and pedicure with Madre early in the morning, because I had to take a train right back into the city for lunch with Pop, my brother, and Christine from Boutiquefull (also my good friend from BU)! Christine met my brother and dad in NYC, since they all work down there, so Pop asked to take us out to lunch one day.

I wouldn’t usually take a 40 minute train + 20 minute subway ride just to eat lunch in NYC, but I’d do it for these folks ūüôā

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We went to Harry’s Italian, and let me just say, thank God for complimentary focaccia bread.

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Also for giant meatball subs, one of my favorite meals on the planet.

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It was so fun catching up with Christine and hanging out with Pop and bro Ben!

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After lunch, I headed uptown to meet with a couple of the Sisters of Life. I signed up to be a co-worker for them, which is essentially a volunteer to help women in crisis pregnancies (with resources, babysitting, material donations, praying, just being a friend, etc.), so we just chatted about that and all about life (duh).

All the Sisters of Life¬†are just pure JOY. Ugh. Love ’em.

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stopped into this church as I was speed walking to catch my train back home

Last night we went to flavor town (as Guy Fieri would say) for dinner. In other words, I roasted/grilled a bunch of veggies, Madre made salmon and rice, and we dug in.

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grilled eggplant with s+p

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Moroccan roasted carrots (olive oil, salt, pepper, Moroccan spice, brown sugar)

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honey balsamic roasted brussels sprouts!!!

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the crispy leaves are the best, and I pretty much ate all of them straight out of the oven

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homemade roasted bell peppers for the first time ever

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Madre’s perfectly cooked teriyaki salmon

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altogether now

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Madre bought apple strudels, so I ate one a la mode of course

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Fancy, eh? The occasion was our friend Brother Sam visiting for the night!

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‘Twas a lovely evening of food, fellowship, and watching embarrassing home videos with the guest.

I’ll catch ya back in Boston! I need to buckle down and study, because I spent¬†75% of this spring break reading blogs (#noragrets).

Hope you all have a blessed weekend!

So tell me:

Do you like to sip or eat your smoothies? Eating them out of a bowl with a spoon is the superior way, but your opinion is still welcome.

Have you ever eaten a real New York bagel?

One fun thing you did this week!

“I’ve Had So Much Rest. I Should Be Able to Do This Workout!”

I feel like an adolescent going through a growth spurt. Or just a woman going through woman things.

I can’t. stop. sleeping. Or eating for that matter.

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Kylie’s banana pudding for breakfast

*eats a Rawxie bar*

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thanks for getting these sent to me, Emily!¬†‚ô•Ôłé¬†

*eats a giant apple*

*eats a slice of cheese*

*eats crackers*

…within a 45 minute time span. *eats a spoonful of peanut butter an hour later*

Also, I defied¬†my craving for a slow workout yesterday, which wasn’t the best idea. I did one round (instead of two) of Colby’s day three lower body workout, and I was absolutely spent. It wasn’t just a muscle fatigue thing; it actually did not feel good for my body or brain, so I skipped the second round.

After my warm up, I thought, “I really¬†don’t want to do this workout. I could nap right here, right now.” Evidently, sometimes I still have trouble listening to my body, but I like to at least warm up and start the workout. If it absolutely sucks, then I modify like I did yesterday.

Do you ever think, “I gave myself a rest/yoga/active recovery day yesterday. Heck, I had so many days off of exercise last week! I should be able to do an intense workout today!”? That’s sort of what went through my mind yesterday, but I know that’s not necessarily true. We have a¬†cycle¬†ladies, so the kinds of movements and amounts of energy our bodies need¬†cycle¬†naturally.

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sneaky pic by Madre a couple days ago feat. college things

Dudes, you probably have off weeks too, right? I dunno, maybe you’re all invincible and never get tired.

All this to say: Don’t forget to listen to your body. You will not shrivel into a raisin if you do just yoga/walking/resting for one week.

Last night I had the privilege of meeting up with my wonderful friend, Christine! We were also supposed to meet up with Colby, but the poor girl had an infection that she had to take care of. Keep her in your prayers!

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Facebook reminded me that it had actually been exactly one year since we had dinner in the city together during my last winter break! This time, we met up at Le Botaniste, an organic, plant-based, fast-service restaurant.

We both got brown rice bowls with their delicious coconut curry peanut sauce. My add ons included pickled cabbage, turmeric onions, and Moroccan carrots.

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It was very satisfying, filling and tasty, but I can definitely make these at home. The company was the most important part though! Christine and I had a lot of much-needed girl chat.

Christine: “Do you want to get dessert?”

Me: “I was just about to ask.”

To froyo we went!

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toppings galore

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dessert-y for me, fruity for her

Vegetables and sugar are two of my favorite food groups.

I love you, Christine!! Thanks for a fun girls’ night ūüôā

So tell me:

Does your workout motivation/energy ebb and flow?

What is the best vegetarian/vegan restaurant you’ve ever been to?¬†

16 Hour Delay

I feel like under-eye circles are the battery display of my body.

I got 7 hours of sleep on Monday night (which is average), but I still felt pretty tired, and I had purple circles under my eyes.

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yesterday’s breakfast of¬†overnight oats!

I decided to nap after breakfast, which turned into almost TWO extra hours of sleep (still catching up from last week)! Then my under-eye circles were gone.

Purple circles = battery running low. No circles = fully recharged.

Yesterday I talked all about SEEK in San Antonio, but I didn’t tell you guys the story of how I got home. It all started after one last breakfast with the BU crew at our hotel in San Antonio. A couple of my¬†friends and I then took a Lyft to the San Antonio airport¬†at around 8:30 am.

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handy dandy standy table at the San Antonio airport

My first flight was only 30 minutes to Houston, so that was fine. Then came the delays. Thanks to the winter weather that I forgot existed in the northeast,¬†our flight from Houston to New York was delayed 20 minutes… then 50 minutes… then 90 minutes (at this point, I also started to realize that I developed plantar fasciitis in my left foot)… then we boarded. Then it was delayed for another 30 minutes… then we took off, flew, and landed!!…

…in Washington DC. *sad trombone* The runways at LaGuardia airport in NYC were too short and snowy for our plane to safely land, so we were diverted to Dulles Washington airport. There were a couple flights in the same situation as us, so we were stuck on the plane without a gate in DC for a couple hours. I didn’t even care that we weren’t making it to New York that night; my butt just really hurt.

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free TV on demand for all as a consolation gift

Eventually we made it off the plane, but everyone was in a fit about when the next flight to LaGuardia was and whether we were getting hotel vouchers for the night. ‘Twas a mighty unfortunate situation for clients and employees alike, especially at that ungodly hour of 1 AM.

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Some people on my flight had been traveling for over 24 hours from Auckland, New Zealand!! God bless ’em.

We got our generous hotel and meal vouchers for the night and headed to our hotels for the “night”. I bought a caesar salad at the airport and ate it in my large Embassy Suite¬†at 2:30 AM.

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thank God for a comfy bed and a shower though! I was so ready to sleep in the airport

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I slept for a solid 3.5 hours before I had to wake up again and eat breakfast at the hotel (which was included ‚ÄĒ so many things to be thankful for).

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plus some scrambled eggs + ketchup

This Embassy Suites had two huge pet swans in their lobby too, which was something to wake up to.

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Our scheduled flight to LaGuardia was at 10am, but once we boarded, we were delayed for another hour (our flight was less than an hour, so we could have already been in NY by then) due to some paperwork that had to be completed for the diversion process. People were just about fuming from their ears.

But we finally landed in NYC at almost noon, only 16 hours after we were originally supposed to land. We were safe and sound, which is all that matters. My whole fam picked me up from the airport, and then we headed to lunch at a Korean restaurant in Flushing called Kun Sohn Korean Noodle House.

We all shared loads of fresh, hot, handmade noodle soups + dumplings + seafood pancake + kimchi. The perfect food to drive out the winter chill. Later that night, I went to an evening Mass and then straight to bed at 6:45pm for my 14 hours of glorious sleep.

On Monday, I ate breakfast, did some cleaning, and then moved and grooved. I worked out once in San Antonio on the one day I was willing to sacrifice sleep and get up at the butt-crack of dawn. I am thankful for that one workout though! It did also make my butt sore for the next three days. I’ve used the word “butt” four times in this post already.

I did Colby’s day two cardio and core workout from her 10 day burn challenge. It was so nice to get the blood pumping, but my body was feeeeeelin’ it after a wonky week of sleep, eats, and travel.

After a quick shower, I met up with two of my best dance friends from high school, Susie and Charli, for lunch. It was so good catching up with those beauties!

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devoured this veggie burger (my only vegetable last week was salsa #notmad)

After my two hour nap yesterday, I ate a classic lunch.

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avocado toast with eggs + salad with homemade honey dijon vinaigrette

Then Madre and I went to Bed Bath and Beyond and the nail salon,¬†where I started studying for gross anatomy (the prof says that she “cannot overestimate how incredibly much work this class is”).

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“which bones and muscles is she massaging right now?”

Yoga is what my body needed, so I did this great yoga video by Leigha Butler before dinner (Madre was simultaneously doing Pilates right next to me in the basement haha).

Look what I had after dinner!!

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dried figs with {full fat Fage} greek yogurt ūüôā

Also, I had some of Madre’s pork soup, which was seriously the best soup/pork I’ve ever tasted. I don’t know why, but this was my JAM. She simmered it for hours with pork bones, lemongrass, kefir leaves, and salt. That’s it.

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Doesn’t look like much, but it’s what’s inside that counts.

I hope you all have a wonderful Wednesday! I’m going to be seeing some lovely ladies tonight. Both of their names start with a C ūüôā

So tell me:

Have you ever had to stay overnight in a city due to a flight delay?

Two things you did yesterday!

Gluttony or “Just Living”?

This weekend was definitely gluttony.

Disclaimer: If you are struggling with disordered eating, I ask that you please read with caution or not read this post at all. Please take care¬†‚ô•Ôłé¬†

But let’s talk about guilt over gluttony in the context of recovering from an eating disorder. I’ll start with a little fact about myself:

Before I developed disordered eating habits, I experienced guilt over eating more than I thought I should, because I felt that I was being selfish if I ate to the point of satiation. What about all the children my age who have nothing to eat for dinner tonight? My parents shut that down really quickly, but this is a real sentiment that I had when I was younger.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s prudent and good to avoid gluttony and to be mindful of our brothers and sisters¬†who have less to eat than us. However, I know from experience¬†that¬†there can be uncertainty between two thoughts during recovery:

“Am I eating all this for the sake of recovery?”

vs.

“Am I just being gluttonous?”

I am neither a dietitian nor a priest, but I do know that¬†“gluttony”¬†is necessary for recovery from an anorexia-type eating disorder. I put “gluttony” in quotation marks because eating a lot‚ÄĒ an amount greater than you feel like eating‚ÄĒduring recovery from an anorexia-type eating disorder is essential for healing the mind and body. It is the only way to get yourself to reach a healthy weight and challenge restricting behaviors.

(This doesn’t mean eating until you get sick, but many of you probably¬†understand what I mean.)

So what happens once you are completely recovered (or even 99.9% recovered)? Personally, I believe I am well past the point of “eating more food for the sake of my health”. If I eat more than I think I should at this stage of my life, it’s¬†probably¬†unnecessary. But am I gluttonous or “just living”?¬†

I think it can be argued that “just living” involves a little bit of gluttony. Most of us don’t need¬†that¬†extra drink or dessert, but those extra treats that put us a little over the top can be good for our mental health and social experience.

According to Google, gluttony means¬†“habitual greed or excess in eating”. I certainly believe that eating more than you really need is not a terrible thing every now and then (if you are at a healthy stage in life). However, for ME,¬†once it becomes habitual ‚ÄĒ once excess eating becomes…excessive ‚ÄĒ that is where I’d say¬†I’m being a little bit gluttonous.

This is a self-reflection. I do not mean to speak for anyone else! But I’m curious to hear if anyone has similar reflections.

So let’s look at the amount of food my family and I ate this weekend.

Friday Night

Dinner at Shiki with our family friends.

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some bites of my parents’ yakitori

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squid appetizer for everyone to share

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gigantic mussels for everyone to share as well

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sushi for me!

Saturday

Back story: We and our¬†family friends are HUGE foodies, and for whatever reason, it’s a tradition for us to go into NYC and do a “food crawl” to many different food vendors. Rule: We must walk.

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light breakfast (light for my standards): Greek yogurt with half a banana, cinnamon, nutmeg, blueberries, and pb

First stop: Chelsea Market! Also known as the land of “I can’t choose what to eat.”

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We all parted ways and bought our own dishes before reconvening, but we also shared a bunch of things. Many little bites here and there!

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little bites of a couple kinds of doughnuts from Doughnuttery¬†‚ÄĒ delicious!

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one of my favorite bites of the day: ginger pecan pie

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egg, ham, cheese, scallion corn muffin¬†‚ÄĒ totally up my alley

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Ben’s Mexican plate with cactus and beef

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I couldn’t even finish my¬†salad after bites of all the other things!

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After Chelsea, we walked uptown towards Broadway via High Line for a more scenic route. The weather was overcast, cool, and absolutely perfect!

We watched a matinee of Book of Mormon, which is a pretty esteemed musical. It was definitely hilarious, but it was also so vulgar and blasphemous that every time something funny happened, all I could do was stare with wide eyes and a dropped jaw. I may have smiled too.

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I do appreciate it as a musical, however. The music is super catchy and the acting was phenomenal.

We headed over to Koreatown for our post-show/pre-dinner snack. Madre and Pop suggested a Korean food court called Food Gallery 32.

I had a bite of taiyaki, which is a pastry shaped like a fish, stuffed with red bean paste. Fresh out of the iron, this thing was FANTASTIC. Crisp exterior, gooey interior, rich filling.

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Colby, you’d love this.

Plus a sip of Ben’s taro bubble tea.

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Dessert before dinner (but don’t worry, we ate dessert after dinner too).

My uncle made reservations for us at Momofuku Nishi, a trendy, modern Japanese restaurant.

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#minimalist

We were basically sitting on wooden boxes, but I wasn’t mad about it.

Family style all day!

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cold shanghai noodles

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some magical fried chicken

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butter noodles that tasted cheesy but weren’t actually cheesy

Then there was this “Impossible Burger” that we split into eight little pieces.

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Perhaps you are asking, “What the heck is this sad looking burger doing at an upscale Japanese restaurant?” Well, the burger is vegan (the patty at least). But it 100% looks and tastes like meat. Hence, the “Impossible” Burger.

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The only wow factor was that it was vegan, because otherwise, it just tasted like a really mediocre fast food burger with subpar french fries.

The main event was this 10 lb. pork roast that my uncle had to order ahead of time for our party of seven.

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the bone literally slid right out

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Ben rolling up the sleeves

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We ate it in lettuce wraps with many delicious condiments, herbs, and sticky rice. There was a good amount of meat that we got to take home for leftovers! It was a heavenly piece of meat.

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Then it was time to walk our way to dessert. Our family friends stopped at Momofuku Milk Bar to pick up some cookies to go. Then we headed to Van Leeuwen ice cream. On our way though, we got distracted by a place called Snowdays, which sells “shaved cream”.

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It’s a frozen block of cream that is shaved. My aunt shared her¬†black sesame shaved cream with coconut and mochi with all of us. Pretty unique! It’s like ultra light ice cream.

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Had to take a picture for ol’ Disney Channel’s sake. Did anyone else watch Wizards of Waverly Place?

Finally, Van Leeuwen. Ben and I shared three scoops (I was greedy. We definitely should have just gotten two scoops). I chose ginger, honeycomb, and vegan banana nut. They were all so good! I couldn’t choose a favorite.

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Obviously, humans don’t need this much food (unless you¬†burn calories like¬†Michael Phelps). I did feel gluttonous (especially with that ice cream at the end), and I do not condone eating like this every day of course, but¬†it happened, it was a wonderful time with family, and¬†I am grateful for all the food.

So tell me:

Have you ever struggled with discerning gluttony vs. “just living”?

Have you ever done a “food crawl”?

What are you doing today? Happy Labo(u)r Day!!!