June | 2019 | Daily Moves and Grooves

5:40 am — Alarm goes off. Eye mask comes off (or I struggle to find it lost in the covers somewhere). CHUG a whole bottle full of water. Roll outta bed and say a quick morning offering prayer: “Here I am, Lord; I come to do Your will. O Blessed Mother, I consecrate myself to you; please make me an instrument of your love and peace.”

5:42 am — Use the bathroom. Not gonna lie, I chug that water so I can have a consistent morning poop. Also brush teeth, put in contacts, a little makeup to look not-dead.

6:00 am — Eat breakfast. Sometimes my stomach is not really ready for breakfast at this hour of the day, but I kinda don’t have a choice because there is no break from 7am-12pm at my clinical currently, and I’m not the kind of person, especially doing physical therapy as my job, who can fast until noon before eating.

Breakfast is typically (still) overnight oats or a yogurt bowl during work days. Something I can prep the night before, and of course, something I love (i.e. peanut butter and banana).

6:25 am — Leave for work. One of my roommates has a car, so whenever her work days line up with mine, she very kindly drives me to work. Otherwise, I’ll take public transit, which actually only takes 15 minutes max from my door to the office!

6:50 am — Arrive at work. Definitely pee. Definitely chug more water.

7:00 am — Start chart reviewing and off we go to work!

12:00 pm — Luuuuuuunch. Truly a glorious time of the day. I am grateful to say that I am really loving working in acute care PT right now, but MAN am I ready for lunch when it rolls around.

We (the other students from BU and I) all pretty much have the same lunch time, so we like to meet outside in the hospital courtyard if it’s nice out to get some much needed fresh air and sun. Us, all the other employees, and all the summer bugs. Ah yes.

^^This was my lunch all last week and it was GREAT. I completely made it up on the spot: Brown rice (cooked in chicken broth — do it) with sautéed onion, carrots, yellow squash, black beans, and peas with cumin, chili powder, paprika, salt, pepper…and some KETCHUP (rationale: didn’t have tomato paste but wanted it to be more taco-y). With cheese on top. Don’t hate me; I promise it was delicious.

This was also fantastic: bone-in pork chop (that I cut off the bone and into pieces) with brown rice and sautéed carrots and onions with soy sauce, honey, sesame oil, and turmeric.

Main dish is usually followed up by some fresh fruit (peaches, strawberries and green grapes have been delightful) and some nut/dried fruit mix. I try to make lunch filling because there’s no break again til I’m done with work at 4:30 and usually not until after I go to the gym.

Sometimes I have hot chocolate from the office as an afternoon pick-me-up too 🙂

4:30 pm — All done with work for the day (some days it’s 3:30 or 4). Walk to the gym.

4:45 pm — Move and groove, baby. Some days it’s a 20 minute HIIT workout, some days it’s mostly strength, some days it’s cardio. Whatever floats the boat that day.

I’ve been trying to lift heavier again, and I did 3 reps of 205# hex bar deadlifts last week! But the workouts that still make me happiest are HIIT workouts like this one:

5 rounds (30 sec on/10 sec off):

American (overhead) KB swings (35#)
Pushup with knee drive
Goblet squats (35#)
Single leg jackknives
Burpees
Side jump lunges

I sweated at least 1 gallon of fluid in this STL humidity.

5:45 pm — Here’s where the schedule varies a little bit. Some days I’ll go straight home, but on Thursdays there’s a young adult group at church that Janice and I like to attend, where they serve dinner followed by Adoration/confession. It is so wonderful!

6:30 pm — Let’s say I went home this day. I usually snack on some veggies before eating this basically every night because it’s an easy classic that never lets me down.

Post dinner snack has been cereal of a peanut butter variety. For a while it was “PB&J Discs” from Whole Foods, but now I’ve moved onto Panda Puffs 😀

8:00 pm — Pray. I have been trying to stay committed and disciplined with 20 minutes of silent prayer every day, because I lost that habit for a bit, but I don’t want that. Intentional time with God is absolutely necessary, and I can tell when it’s lacking.

8:30 pm — Maybe FaceTime a friend. Maybe talk to the roommates. Maybe derp around on social media. Definitely pack food for the next day.

9:30 pm — Shower. Brush teeth. Set out clothes for the next day.

10:00 pm (ideally, but usually later) — Sleeps time. Janice offered to tuck me in one night and now she does it for me whenever I sleep before her LOL. It’s cute.

That’s all she wrote! I am thoroughly enjoying my time here in STL so far. Having close friends with me in the same clinical has been a blessing, and having a young adult group at church has also been wonderful. The relative routine has been nice, but my friends keep me from being cooped up when I’m tired and help me try new things and motivate me in the gym, so that is A+.

So tell me: What does a “normal” day look like for you?

…for me, at least.

And I’m sure many others. Hence the existence of blogs / Instagram accounts similar to mine that were created for the purpose of she struggles of striking what is called “healthy balance.”

The food and fitness relationship is like any other inherently good relationship — lifelong, important, often fun, sometimes frustrating, at times hurtful, evolving, dependent on other factors in life, but always able to be healed / improved.

I would consider myself fully recovered from my eating disorder. But thoughts like these still pop into my head: Belly is fluffy today. What if I just ate half of what I normally do for dinner? What if I cut my daily calorie intake but a couple hundred? Maybe I’ll do burpees when I’m digested from dinner. I’m definitely not as shredded as her. I bet I’m heavier than that guy over there.

To be clear, these can all be thoughts that are associated with disordered eating, hands down. However, it is the result of these thoughts that matters; what is it that you do when you have thoughts like these? Do these thoughts manifest as behaviors?

Thanks be to God, although these thoughts exist every dang day, I don’t think they ever manifest in behaviors that are harmful. But I’d be lying if there is not a little bit of a fight against impulsive restrictions or even just preoccupation with the layer of fat over my belly some days.

A photo of myself in a bathing suit from approximately 6-7 years ago (wow) came up on one of those Facebook “memories” (the best and worst thing there ever was on my facebook feed), and my jaw nearly dropped. I was like, “HECK, I had a dang 6 pack!” I was approximately 40 lbs. lighter then than I am now.

This is where you might be expecting me to say, “But I’m soooo much happier now!” THAT IS VERY TRUE, 1000%. But I am also at a point where I could afford to lose a couple pounds, and I would still be healthy and strong. I haven’t been able to do pull-ups in a while due to lack of practice but also a change in my body proportions so them lower limbs are hefty little fellas. So what do I do?

Option A: Intentionally cut some calories and lose some weight, because I’d likely be just as healthy as I am now. Who knows? I might even get those pull-ups more easily.

Option B: Do nothing about it.

Option C: Honestly evaluate my overall eating habits. Rather than saying, “I wanna cut X number of calories from my daily intake,” I could try asking myself: In which circumstances do I know I tend to stuff myself more than I’d like? Which emotions make me want to eat even though I’m not hungry? Am I sleeping enough? In which situations do I feel like I want to restrict? In which circumstances is the social/celebratory aspect of eating more important to me than my hunger/fullness cues? And then, without judgement(!), I can address those instances where my relationship with food and fitness is a little rocky. Because any relationship needs consistent and constant evaluation. Some people’s relationship with food and fitness requires a little more effort and bickering back and forth than others’ and that is o k a y.

I’ll choose option C and see where it takes me.

MOLDIV-001-3

the usual suspects like oats and avocado egg toast are in there because I ♥︎ them, but you bet your bottom dollar we ate a boat load of sushi and several sweets on my birthday and we continue to explore new treats every weekend *drool*

Fitness has been pretty steady and level-headed. I don’t really count rest vs. workout days, and I’m varying workouts and still getting stronger / faster (besides the fact that I sprained my ankle last week while running).

Food always seems to be the kicker. Oh how I wish I could eat to my intuition with little to no thought in the world. Sometimes that happens! But not always, and that’s what this post is aiming to iterate; no matter where you are in your relationship with food and fitness — whether you are still recovering from an eating disorder, you are kinda sorta distressed about it sometimes, or whether you face unhelpful thoughts every day like I do — it’s okay to be fighting the good fight for a long time.

It’s not okay to be consumed by an eating disorder, and that fight truly requires the help of others who are qualified to help (i.e. a registered dietitian or a counselor/psychologist who specializes in EDs). But like any other relationship, it is okay to not have a perfect relationship with food and fitness.

So tell me: Thoughts?